1. Skin signs tell all
2. Sick people don't complain
3. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.
4. About 70% of the battery patients more than likely deserved it.
5. The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.
6. When dealing with people if it felt good to say it was the wrong thing to say.
7. All bleeding stops....eventually.
8. All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
9. If the child is quiet, be scared.
10. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.
11. If the pt. vomits, try to hold the head to the side of the rig with the least difficult cleanable equipment.
12. If someone dies by chem. hazards, electrical shocks or other on-scene dangers it should be the patient, not you.
13. Any EMT, FF, LEO or chief who is more drunk than the patient is the real problem.
14. The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
15. "Paramedics save lives; EMT's save Paramedics."
16. If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says.
17. If you absolutely must vomit, than it is probably best to turn your head away from the patient.
18. It is generally bad to use the words "holy shit" on scene, in reference to the patients condition.
19. When responding to a call always remember that your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder
20. Always honor a threat
21. Always know when to get out
22. Always know HOW to get out
23. If you respond to an MVA after midnight and you don't find a drunk, keep looking - you've missed a patient.
24. PVC's can be eliminated by sending a strip to the hospital.
25. O2 is good, blue is bad.
26. Less than 8, intubate (GCS score).
27. Asystole is a very stable rhythm
28. A Pt.'s weight is directly related to the number of stair flights between him/her and the rig.
29. What do you call a medical student who finishes last in their class? Doctor.
30. Universal Precautions - Is it wet? Is it yours? If it is, and it isn't then leave it alone.
31. Death is a stabilization of the patient's condition.
32. You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 02:00 in the middle of a great dream.
33. Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.
34. Never trust your rig, drug box, or airway bag to be fully stocked.
35. If you don't have it, don't give up. Adapt, improvise, overcome, (then call for a second unit).
36. There is no such thing as a "textbook case".
37. Newbies always look for large things in the smallest compartments and vice versa.
38. There is no such thing as a bad call. Only calls that didn't go the way you planned.
39. Just because someone's EMT or Paramedic original license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.
40. Listening to some EMT's talk on the radio makes you wonder why they don't become professional auctioneers.
41. For every 25 calls you run, only 1 will be exciting.
42. Take comfort in the fact that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
43. Being in emergency services means you get to celebrate your holidays with all your friends, while on-duty.
44. Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases.
45. There are two kinds of
EMS calls: "Oh-Shit!" and "Bull-Shit!"
46. Common sense isn't.
47. The more reflective stripping there is on your jumpsuit, the easier it is for the only drunkdriver going by the MVA to find you.
48. If you have a ride-along you want to show the real world, nothing will happen that shift.
49. You can't cure stupid.
50. EMS doesn't save lives we only "postpone the inevitable."
51. At the beginning of your shift, your main O2 tank, fuel tank, and stomach will be empty...but the call volume will be full.
52. Your pt. will get new symptoms after a radio report and pulling in to ER.
53. Don't get excited about blood unless its your own
54. You should always stop CPR after the second ouch!, from the PT.
55. When in doubt, always take another set of vital signs.
56. If your patient is violent you can always use O2 therapy (an O2 bottle across the head usually calms them down).
57. The larger the house the furthest from a door the patient will be.
58. The furniture will always be arranged so that a stretcher or stairchair will never fit easily.
59. Whenever you have NO lights or sirens on, everyone on the road will pull over for you, whether you want them to or not.
60. The probability of getting a code 3 call is directly proportional to how badly you need to go to the bathroom.
61. Dispatchers tell everyone where to go, inversely, everyone would like to tell the dispatcher where to go!
62. If you ever do tell the dispatcher where to go they will give you more places to go
63. Beware when a firefighter says "Check this out."
64. The worse the pt's breath is the quieter they talk and you'll have to get closer to hear them
65. No matter how many times and ways you ask the patient questions, the story will always change once they get into the ER
66. When giving a radio report never tell the er nurse that your pt is stable, by the time you get there you will be working a code!!
67. If the patient pukes, it is not unprofessional to puke along with them it is sympathy puking.
68. If a p/t tells you he/she is going to die, believe them they are probably right.
69. You can have circulation with no breathing - But you can NOT have breathing with no circulation
70. People are going to get sick, hurt, and going to die. This is not a multiple choice job. You must be able to handle ALL OF THE ABOVE!
71. Never go past the first dead cop.
72. Some people can do this job some can't. Pray you are partners with one who can.
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